Can a big girl be a cutie, PLEASE?

Let’s face it, we live a society where curves are not the norm and any size above a 2 is considered fat. So we have broads starving themselves, puking  up last night’s snack, sucking fat out of their asses, and whatever the hell else women do to conform to Anglo-Saxon standards of beauty. I’m not saying, by any means, to be a slob and not eat right, to not work out, or don’t maintain a healthy lifestyle but what I AM SAYING is that you don’t have to be a stick figure to do it…….which leads me to my topic!

 

 

Since I can remember, I have always been the biggest girl in my crew.  Now I am not the brickhouse that I was in high school and college but I’m still a killa! lol  That isn’t something that bothers me but what does bother me is my smaller friends think that men wouldn’t be attracted to me first if at all- I am athletic, genuine, warm,  college-educated (hell my degree is in exercise science with a specialty in kinesiology), self-confident, intelligent, and pretty- if I must say so myself- I just come with more meat on my bones………. Case and point.

We all go out and yes I like to dress provocatively but not like a streetwalker. There is a difference. While most of my friends have their asses and tits out, I try to maintain some kind of class besides just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean it’s for you. We’ve all seen those big girls with poon poon shorts and cropped tube tops like, “Take me as I am!” What the hell? That is a hot mess! I don’t wanna see a skinny chick with her ass hanging out let alone your big ass! lmao I digress……… Without fail, if a guy approaches me, smiles, or gives me a compliment, they get all giddy with joy like, “You go girl! He is looking at you!! Damn, girl, he is all over you!” I used to just smile and carry on until it just KEPT happening, then I had to stop and think, “Hold up! Do these chicks think that a guy is doing me a favor by talking to me because I’m a big girl? Do they subconsciously think they are finer than moi because they are smaller?” Maybe they think they are boosting my self-esteem by making a spectacle of themselves everytime a guy says something to me? I finally said, ” Do yall really think that I have a problem attracting men? Hell, I am prettier than all of you.” Mouths fell open like I was the bitch…..It was cool when they were cheering me on with their “skinny girls boosting the fat chick’s self-esteem antics” but when I express confidence and say that I look good and that men find me attractive- I have the issue. How does that work? So basically they would be better if I was walking around with my head down and wondering why nobody wanted to dance with the pathetic lil fat chick…..Get the fuck outta here. I am that deal! I’m pretty AND sexy as hell. I rock heels, have mad swagger and damn sure ain’t about to let some skinny broad think she is flyer than me!

So I just began to observe groups of women- in all settings, especially ones with a big girl in the group, and I studied how they responded and interacted with her in regards to men. The observations were unnerving to say the least. For the most part, the skinny girls spent their time hyping up the big girl to do some outlandish, extra shit to be noticed. They pump her up to dance like a slut, or take extra drinks, or talk super loud to catch the attention of men that don’t want her……I know you’ve seen that! So the big girl puts on a show for the guys and yes she gets attention because she looks like an easy lay….What guy wouldn’t go for that? Your friends are helping you! Skinny girls do shit for attention too- they just don’t have to go the extra mile to get it……..Why are you playing yourself big girl? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? lmao Where is your pride? Why are you acting like Sideshow Bob for goodness sake?  Your skinny friends aren’t acting ridiculous and neither should you….If you have self-esteem issues- GET YOUR ASS TO A GYM AND GET SOME COUNSELING BUT DAMN IT- DON’T PLAY YOURSELF FOR ATTENTION. It’s embarassing and you need to choose another group of friends….hell, find some chicks bigger than you so that YOU can be the skinny one in your crew but get it together!

 

Dating and The Single Mom

In March 2006, I finally made the decision to leave my daughter’s father. There wasn’t any tire-slashing, fighting, cursing  or Mary J. Blige cd playing while I bawled my eyes out and gave him a gazillion reasons why I was leaving. I simply left without a word. I was done- mentally and physically. So it’s been about 2 years since I have had a relationship. Wow- doesn’t seem like it’s been that long until you write it…lol So an analysis of my dating life and a discussion that took place this past Sunday with guy that I know and respect brought me here.  As a single, devoted mother, I am always doing some various activity with my 6-years old which is fine by me because she is a cool lil girl to be around. Well this certain person posed a question to me, “Am I always with her and do I take any “me” time? He then went on to say, that men, especially single men with no dependents, would perceive me to be an overbearing mom.  You’ve seen those types- the moms that overdo everything for their kids, like……..”Oh honey, I made you a sandwich and I cut in little hearts for you!”  or “Baby, are you getting  enough air? Here let me breathe for you!” So hearing this question made me wonder, “Am I like that?” Now when I say that I love my baby girl, she is my air but it isn’t that obsessive love like I have to smell her clothes and sleep with her blankie when she is gone but she is my heart- de verdad!

And that’s not us in the picture…lol My first reaction was irritation to put it mildly because I thought to myself, ” What man wouldn’t want to see a woman being nurturing and loving?” Wouldn’t he think I would be that way to him, also?  I had to think about the many men that are single WITHOUT children. They wouldn’t know this feeling of exuberation when I look into my daughter’s eyes or see her smile……..So I realized that single men fall into the following categories:

THE CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HOE

This pathetic schmuck thinks he can work his way to the kitty by buying the child some high-priced sneakers, outfit, or a  trip to Chuck E. Cheese. These types usually go for the mami with one or multiple children (usually multiple) and she is usually a chick from around the way. This mother usually equates love and nurturing with possessions rather than actually taking a minute to actually TALK to her seeds but ok, let’s get back to him!  From jump, he is Daddy Warbucks throwing the money bait to the unsuspecting prey. He will tell you how he loves kids even if he doesn’t have any…..what the hell? Ladies, when you meet this type, there are 3 questions that should pop into your head.

1. Is this clown a pedophile?

2. What makes you and your child sooooooo special that he wants to just make all of your dreams come true?

3.If he has children, how does he treat and take care of his own?

Yeah he might seem to take on the “burden” of buying shoes, clothes, and other basic needs that Lil  Johnny needs but is it really worth selling your soul and your ass so Johnny can have some new Jordan’s and an Avirex jacket?  I don’t think so.  Many dudes use this tactic because these dumb ass broads have put their children’s and their own values in their coochies instead of keeping that tight so most dudes will just trick off (yes ladies and gents, that’s what it is) a couple of bucks to get the ass and since the guy didn’t directly ask to bone—-ladies feel like he was sooooooooooo nice that, ” I should just give him some because he is handling his business.” He is handling your box and when he’s done, he is going to discard you and Lil Johnny…….and to think you had your seed around this idiot…..tsk tsk tsk *smh*

Next we have….

MR. I DON’T SEE YOUR KID THEREFORE SHE DOESN’T EXIST

In this day and age of FWB (Friends with Benefits), this type of guy looks for that single mami that just wants to do her . He is the dude that doesn’t give a shyt about your kid or his/her needs. He just wants to bone and he disguises it as I just wanna get to know you. The mother that usually gets with this type has just gotten out of a serious relationship or has just lowered her standards to become a jump off because she doesn’t want to be emotionally attached to anyone (which usually doesn’t work). So you are with Mr. Dazzling Debonair and he never asks about your child although that child makes up part of the person that you are. He says he wants to get to know you though…..Well isn’t your child an extension of you? He will do the typical blow off when you mention something as small as, ” Susie got an A in math.”  but if you said your dog was sick, he would be like, “Oh what’s wrong?” lmao Yeah this dude is a trip because while Susie is watching “Dora the Explorer” on the floor of her bedroom, he is exploring the insides of your lovebox with his map in your room…lmao Hold up, heffa- that’s not a good look on your part but we know that their are broads that do it all the time! He will act like your kid doesn’t exist. Do you REALLY want that?

LET’S GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER

I know that you are thinking that this is the same guy as above but believe me, IT’S NOT! This is the guy that you hope to find……He will take a genuine interest in you and what comes with you including your child/children. He is a good guy but doesn’t have experience with dating women with children or has limited experience in that dating realm. It’s not to say that he isn’t interested in that part of your life- there is just an order of operations and the child should be not be the first part of that order. I’m not saying don’t mention your child…That’s idiotic. If you have children, that should be the first thing you mention after your name. Who wants a broad that would fail to mention that she has children? It’s not like you failed to mention that you wore a padded bra or a weave, this is your child for Christ’s sake! What the hell is wrong with you? This is the guy that will actually TRY to get to know about you and may or may not have sex on the brain. He is usually understated and would go unnoticed in a crowd but that’s cool because you don’t need distractions as you try to get to know this type. He is a great listener, inquisitive, and open-minded. If you aren’t on that b.s., this would be the guy to get to know.

Which leads me back to my conversation with my guy friend……

I know that many men may look at a single mother that is affectionate and think, “Oh she is waaay to loving with that child and I’m not gonna try to get with that. She wouldn’t have time for me.” This is understandable, to a certain degree and it is a valid concern. However, if you write a woman off because of what you are viewing or perceiving before you actually take the time to SEE if she is really like that then you may be actually missing out on a good thing!  A REAL woman has many faces. She is a mother, a friend, a lover, a confidante, a nurturer, and a freak! lol See how she responds when you offer her a weekend getaway, take her to a cool concert or a romantic evening with just the two of you. You might find that you’ve got a keeper! If she continously turns you down, THEN make that assumption.